E.R. COOK

About two months ago in my local writing group, someone mentioned this book festival that was coming up. It was nice because it was open to all authors, and was close to my house. I have never done an in person book festival of any kind as an author, but since I’m trying to push myself and delve into doing more marketing (the second book is coming out soon), I decided to enter. I filled out the form and heard…nothing.

Just a ‘thank you for completing the form’ email.

Still, I was caught by excitement. My first book festival! Immediately I went into marketing mode: what do I need for the table, how am I going to draw people’s attention, etc. I found a way to print a poster of the first book’s cover (I think it’s pretty striking), I printed bookmarks, postcards and business cards for Psychedelic Cat. I was going to get x amount of copies for my book (20 is the number I decided on, it’s probably wrong but that’s how many came in the box).

Yet as the weeks went on I heard…nothing. No details. No communication. Nothing to reassure my anxious mind (I REALLY like confirming things to the nth degree) that what I had done really happened, that I had a spot, that I was set to go on that date other than that initial “thank you for completing the form’ which hadn’t been generated by a real person.

I was finally getting ready to blow it off and come up with alternate plans for the day (there was a UFO festival nearby that I really want to go to some year), when I FINALLY got an email yesterday: we got your submission, here’s the flyer for marketing purposes, glad to have you onboard, more details to come.

WOO HOO!

Yet as exciting as it was to get the true confirmation, now my fears began to kick into overdrive. I have less than a month to finish all the other things that I had been planning on doing! I needed to go to the bank, I had to figure out POS sales for the day, how to do Washington sales tax (Oregon doesn’t have any, makes things so much easier), getting tablecloths and other last minute table things, fixing up the book trailers and so much more.

Not only that, but a new question arose. I’m super close to finishing the new book. Do I push it and get it out before the festival? Do I release it before? Do I have it just at the festival (like a pre-order or even a ‘get it before it’s on shelves’ type of thing)?

Then the big fear set in. How do I talk to people?

It seems silly. You talk to people! Right? I do it all the time. But not strangers. Yet they’re all going to be my people, readers, authors, library people. Still, I don’t always read social cues correctly…

Ok, anxiety. Stop.

This is something I’m calling an excellent fear. I am afraid, because it’s my first time. There are so many unknowns. Will people be interested? Will anyone buy my books? Will I run out of books?

I have ‘fears’. Still, I am excited for this amazing opportunity. I am pushing myself beyond my boundaries. I am getting my story out to an audience. I am growing as an author. I am growing as a person.

Anxiety and fear love to hold us back. Granted, they do exist for a reason. In check, they keep us safe. But they also can go into overdrive and keep us from living a life. They stop us from searching, visiting, talking, experiencing. So when we tell anxiety and fear to take a hike, I’m doing the thing anyway, we grow and experience and learn.

I feel like a lot of the issues of today are people giving into their fears. Instead of talking, learning, experiencing and growing, we are shrinking. Yelling at someone to take the bad people (immigrants, trans, etc) away. Yet if you ask, why are these so bad, the simple answer you get is “the TV told me they were”. Have you ever talked to a person of that genre before? No. Then how can you know they are bad? “The internet told me so”. This is what I call ignorant fear. There is NO reason for this fear other than you don’t want your world view challenged because you might have to ask yourself hard questions and change your mind. This is shrinking. This is digging your head into the sand, plugging your ears and going “I can’t hear you”. It is childish and stupid.

Excellent fear though, is something you get when you are trying something new. Going someplace new, trying a new thing, talking and learning with new people and communities. It pushes you to grow, to expand, to challenge yourself and your world view.

I refuse to live my life in fear any longer, but if I have to, I want it to be excellent fear. I hope you live a life of excellent fear too. Challenge yourself. Even if it’s something small, like talking to someone you’ve never talked to before.

If you’re in the area, feel free to stop by and get an autographed copy of my book. I’d love to get to talk to you!

Until next time, Kitty Kats. Stay Psychedelic!