E.R. COOK

It’s embarrassing. You’ve committed to doing something, you make all the plans, you state confidently that this is what you’re going to do – and then life happens. It amazes me how some people are just able to do the things they say: post things on time, come up with amazing videos, churn out content week after week after week. Meanwhile, I wake up one day and realize that my once a week promise to post is now six months overdue (or longer). Most people just shake their head and go “you’re not trying hard enough, you don’t want it enough”. I just shake my head and go “Make plans and God laughs.” Otherwise known as “Life said Hold my Beer”.

My other favorite saying is “I don’t have Ducks and they’re not in a row. I have squirrels at a 24/7 rave.”

It’s embarrassing to make promises and deadlines and not keep them. Not only does it hurt because I like to think I’m somewhere who tries very hard to keep their word, it’s also not what my work ethic is. I strive to go above and beyond. But sometimes beyond is beyond my control. And we’ve all been there.

Life loves throwing curveballs. My boyfriend and I moved three states and lived in our camper for almost three months. You’d think that would be great for finding time to write. But between researching campsites, driving all around to look at houses, scoping out food and water resources and maintenance, cleaning and cooking, it didn’t leave a whole lot of energy. Then when we finally moved into a house, we suddenly had a whole new world of things to do. I also suffer from a few different invisible illnesses that sometimes leave me drained and brain fogged. Not to mention, I have a forty plus an hour a week normal day job that isn’t this blog or my novels. No, I’m not sharing this to say ‘pity me’ or using them as excuses. Just to share that this is modern life. We all have overcommitments. We all have plans that get busted. Priorities that pop up that get in the way. We run out of time, energy, resources. Maybe some people are able to be the Energizer Bunny and function well off of three hours of sleep and mountains of caffeine. That’s not me, and that’s okay.

The thing is, I love writing. I love crafting stories, nurturing them into life, breathing color and voices into my characters. I love sharing these stories. That in its essence is what a writer is. I’ve been doing it my entire life, before computers and blogging and influencers and AI and all of the ‘go, go, go’ of today’s world. While it may be embarrassing to keep having to restart, to admit that I can’t always adhere to a schedule, that my plans and timelines don’t always work out the way I want them to, I’m not going to let embarrassment because I’m not living up to some vague social construct keep me from doing what I absolutely love.

Sometimes as a part-time writer, you’re going to have moments where you suddenly realize it’s been a month, two months since you wrote anything. Unless you have agents and publishers and true deadlines to hit, it’s really easy to push things out. Sometimes life just comes up and hits you with curveballs that you have to deal with. It might be a while before you come back. That’s ok.

Some people aren’t going to understand. They’ll think you unreliable. That’s ok too.

Until the moment when I am doing this full-time and have no reason not to focus solely on my writing, I will probably be unreliable. But I will always keep writing. I will always keep digging. I will always share my stories.

Maybe you’ve given up because you don’t have the time, energy, the drive to make a million Instagram posts or videos or you just aren’t drawn to spend every waking hour trying to figure out AI or the latest shiny new toy in the social media world. I’m here to say don’t give up on your dreams. It’s not about the online. It’s about you enjoying what you do. It’s time to enjoy it again.

I used to ride horses, and I fell off plenty of times when I was jumping around a course. Anytime you fall off a huge animal moving at speed, it hurts. Every time I fell, I could always feel the bruises and aches starting to form almost instantly. There were lots of horror stories of people breaking bones, being paralyzed that always rippled through my mind in those moments. But none of it ever stopped me from getting right back in that saddle, it never stopped me from taking lessons again. At the end of the day I loved it, and I couldn’t imagine my life without it. I wasn’t going to let fear or pain or embarrassment keep me from doing what I loved.

Same thing when I started riding Trials motorcycles (slow speed specialized dirt bikes you ride over obstacles). Part of learning how to ride well was learning how to crash safely. Because in learning anything, you will fall. You will break things. You will ‘fail’. But every time I crashed, I learned. I got back up. I tried again. Eventually I made it over that rock, that log. I conquered that turn, or that line. When I did, that feeling was like a million adrenalin shots! And I’d never had known that exhilaration, never have met the amazing people I’ve met, never have gotten to take the amazing adventures I’ve had, if I’d stopped the first time I fell down.

It might not be very ‘professional’ in people’s eyes. I don’t care. Those people aren’t living my life.

Life is not about doing everything exactly right. It’s not about falling down. It’s about getting back up and trying again. It’s about finding your passion, finding your way to dance to the universe’s music in this crazy, mixed-up world. It’s not about likes or clicks or other people’s opinions. It’s about finding what makes your heart dance and letting your soul sing.

I’m not here to sell books. I’m here to write books, and share my stories with the world. If some people like what they read and I get a little compensation, fine. Maybe someday I’ll be able to live my dream of doing this full-time. But right now, I’m loving my life. Even if I have to restart it every few months or so.